How to Get Your Spouse to Change

He or she wants to change, You want them to change. So why isn’t it happening? The road to a better relationship with your spouse is paved with love and commitment, but it can be bumpy at times. Changing entrenched habits and thinking patterns takes commitment and a calculated approach. Here are some ways to help your spouse make the changes you want.



How to Get Your Spouse to Change



How to Get Your Spouse to Change


  1. When you ask your spouse to change, you are asking them to get out of their comfort zone and adapt to your idea.


  1. If you want your spouse to change, you have two choices available to you. You can persist in trying to change them and settle for whatever progress you can make. Or, you can accept the fact that the only person capable of making lasting change in your life is you. Once you take complete responsibility for the way you are showing up in your relationship, regardless of who else is involved, a great burden will be lifted from off your shoulders and your true power will be revealed.


  1. Hi, my love,  I know we have had our problems in the past, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything. I believe in us and our marriage with all my heart!  Please forgive me for everything wrong I have done. I will do whatever it takes to start over again.


  1. I’m sure you heard me. But even when you don’t hear me, I am always thinking of you and have only the best intentions. You are the best husband there is! I love you so much and I can’t wait for our beautiful daughter to grow up with such an amazing father!


  1. You may recall that our last talk on this subject was about making sure the dishes were cleaned up after dinner. You said it made you crazy that I didn’t do it. I said it wasn’t my job. And we decided to go to counseling instead of letting the dishes divide us.


  1. I have been trying to figure out a way to tell you how much I love you and how much it hurts me when we can’t seem to get along. Please don’t ever doubt my love for you. I will always strive for greatness because I want to be great for you. I promise I will work hard every day to make the most of the life you have given me. With all that being said, know that when we are together…….I LOVE YOU



  1. After years of trying to get my husband to improve himself, I’ve learned that actions speak louder than words. I liked it when he would say “I love you” but it wasn’t enough to change anything so I started showing him how much I love him. It’s more effective when he sees the changes in me.


  1. It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Our society is so focused on making friends, having fun, and being popular that it has become impossible for us to stay close to our spouses. We go about our life living in the same house but apart from one another. The husband goes to work then comes home. The wife stays at home and takes care of the kids. As soon


  1. I hope you know I totally love you. And I mean totally since you always hurt my feelings when we talk. You have a special gift for pushing every button. Do you want me to change? You want me to change. You are always telling me how awful and hopeless I am, no wonder I am the way I am!


  1. My darling, I have come to understand you. I never thought the day would come but it dawned on me that you are simply a creature of habit. Isolate routines, make small adjustments and increase their frequency over time. It is really that simple.


  1. I love you more and more each day. Even though we have some rough patches sometimes, they don’t ever last because our true love is stronger than anything in this world. You are the absolute best husband a woman could ask for and I am so glad you are mine!


  1. The other makeup is his too. I think you should take some time to think this through and see things from my point of view because I’m tired of fighting. If it takes a few days for you to get used to the idea then fine, but honestly I just want to spend my life with someone who wants me around and loves me for me! I need love too! I can’t go on with this.


  1. You are my love, my best friend. You are my calm in the storm, the smile that brightens my face, and you make me a better person. I am happier and more at peace since we found each other. I couldn’t wait to spend every day with you for the rest of my life!


  1. I may not always show it, but I care very much about you and our life together. I’ve heard that one way to get your spouse to do something is to encourage them to read a book or article about the subject at hand. So, I am sharing a couple of books with you that might help us as a couple and perhaps give us some tools for the future. I know that I’m trying my hardest to be a great husband and partner in this relationship.


  1. Treat your spouse how they treat you. Treat them how YOU want to be treated. Make the changes you want your spouse to make. Do the things you want your spouse to do. Be the example of what YOU want to see in your spouse and you will see a change. It’s as simple as that with no more excuses!


  1. My husband is much happier, and I say all the time that I feel we have a second honeymoon. He actually calls me from work and says, “Okay Dear, what do you want for dinner?” And he’s laughing! This really works – it’s amazing. My husband has lost weight, and we have more energy (he’s not so grumpy anymore) because we are now getting enough physical activity to keep our hormones balanced.


  1. My darling husband, you amaze me every day! I love that you are so smart and you always know just what to do. I would do anything for you as you have done anything for me. We will get through anything together because that is what married couples do when they love each other.


  1. You want to be my wife, you want to be my soul mate, my love, and my best friend but most of all you want to be the mother of my children. And I want the same for you. This is a beautiful picture, isn’t it? But it needs something else. I need you to do your part if we are going to get through the years ahead of us. Love has to work in two directions to succeed.


  1. I know you can change! I want to see you accomplish all your goals and make all your dreams a reality. I want to see happiness and success in your eyes. I am praying that one day the old you come back so that I can be the wife I know I was meant to be.


  1. Arguing with the love of your life? Well, here are a few steps that will change everything.



How to Get Your Spouse to Listen to You


  1. You have all the qualities of a great husband, but you don’t seem to listen to me when we talk. I know you don’t mean to ignore me, and you have such a kind heart – it just doesn’t show in today’s world. I love how determined you are and how hard you work. I would be lost without you, just please say more than yes or no! You make me so happy that saying NO is intolerable!




  1. There are times when I know that you don’t listen to me. I do nothing but yell, yet you just continue to ignore me. I think that it would be nice at times if I could tell you how I felt and have you actually hear me. It seems like you just believe what the world tells you. You don’t even think for yourself anymore, or at least not when it comes to how our family is being raised. Would it be too much trouble for you?


  1. It’s been a rough few months. You are working so hard that I hardly see you anymore. I know you are only trying to provide for us, but we are becoming strangers in our own homes. You come home late, eat dinner, and pass out. It used to be that we could talk about anything. Now you just brush me off stating that “you’re tired” and go to bed early.


  1. I love you so much. I’m trying to get you to understand what a great man you are and how lucky I am to have found you. You have been through so much pain and suffering in your life, because of others who were supposed to love you. It is my goal in life to remove all the pain from your past so that we can build a future together that consists only of happiness and joy.


  1. I am committed to being with you, right here, right now. I love you and every little thing about you. Do you give me your permission to stay?


  1. Hopefully, I’ve proved myself and you’ve learned to trust me. I don’t expect you to fix all the problems in my life, but I do want you to try and understand me. Maybe then we will stop arguing over mundane things. We should only be angry over important things.



  1. I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. But I need your help. You know that I have struggled with trying to carry so many responsibilities for so long. I am scared that my stress will cause me to become depressed again and afraid of losing you, our children, and my sanity. I need to talk about this more, but before we can do that we both need to learn how to listen…


  1. We have been married for so long that I thought I was going to be with you for the rest of my life. Everything changed in one day and now living alone is not good. He is arguing with me at every chance. We never used to argue much, but now we do it all the time, here’s the problem now: How can I get him to trust me again?


  1. This is going to shock you. I want a divorce. I feel like you’re not happy with me anymore and want our marriage to end. Maybe I’m just an old miser and don’t deserve you anymore. I really hope you read this message from start to finish, and can’t sleep until YOU REACH OUT AND TALK TO ME! Cause it might be the last time we talk.


  1. When I have something important to say I get your attention by touching you. I gently stroke your hand or arm, or place my palm on top of your hand. It only takes a second. You pay more attention when I touch you because it is personal.


  1. You are my best friend, my soul mate. I love you with all that I am and all that I have. You are the most wonderful husband anyone could ask for!


  1. As the years go on and our lives are entwined around each other, let’s take time out to realize how much we love each other. I am so happy to have you in my life and I would not trade this for the world. You are a blessing to me.



  1. I’m sick and tired of trying to get you to listen to my feelings. I feel like you haven’t been listening at all! However, I still love you and our family. Love isn’t always easy but it is always worth it. Have a great day out with the guys!


  1. If you listen and hug more often, the fighting would go down immensely. I do not like shouting. I have asked you multiple times to talk calmly and listen to what I am trying to say. I don’t feel heard or respected when you dive in with all guns blazing, yelling over me. I know we both have a lot of pent-up frustration because we both are at work all day, but that does not mean we should be taking it out on each other when we get home.


  1. I guess I’ll never understand why you stay with me. Why you put up with my bad moods, my constant complaining, and my continuous discontent. As your wife, the one person who should know you best, I still feel as if I don’t know you at all. You blame it on my stubbornness but I blame it on your indifference. You don’t love me anymore and it hurts… so much.


  1. I know you hate how I talk to you, but it’s only because I care. I would never hurt you and that’s why I am so frustrated when you don’t take me seriously. You know that we have everything to lose, our family, our business. Please take this more seriously!


  1. My love for you has no boundaries. You have given me so much in our 7 years together. These 3 things are everything to me: your smile, laugh, and heart. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate these gifts every day. I love loving my wife!


  1. As I write this I can feel your pain and anguish. I want to be the man that you deserve, the man you can turn to in any situation. I will do everything within my power to make you happy and I will not fail you ever again. You are my rock, my soul mate, my only reason for living.


  1. I love you with all my heart. I know things have not been easy for us lately, but that never changes how I feel about you. It’s hard to see the person you love going through so much pain. But, I will always be there for you – no matter what.


  1. I listened to you because it makes me feel important. It is why I watch your favorite shows even though they bore me. My world revolves around you and you deserve my full attention when we talk. I know I am not always the best listener, but I try.


How to Get Your Spouse to Forgive You for Cheating

  1. I cheated on my wife several times. The result was that she found out and we got a divorce. We have been separated for over 2 years now and it’s killing me. She won’t even answer the phone when I call anymore.


  1. Having an affair is something that rarely ends well. Adulterers are usually forced to face the consequences of their actions for decades to come. Hopefully, this letter will help you make amends.


  1. I made a terrible mistake and I can’t blame it all on work, the kids, or you. It was me. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. We CAN get past this, but I need your help to do so. The only thing that will make it better is if you tell me what I need to do, how I can show you that our love makes us stronger than anything. Please forgive me!


  1. I have missed you so much since you moved out. I want nothing more in the world than to see you smile again! How can I make it up to you? All I want is for you to come home… I need you in my arms! I love you with all of my heart and soul!


  1. I made a grave mistake and hurt the most important person in my life. It was unbelievably stupid but I can’t take it back. All I can do is a promise to never do it again and do everything that is in my power to make it up to you. I am so deeply sorry for hurting you, I never meant to cause you pain.


  1. I’m sorry that I hurt you so bad. I swear to the love and life we shared that I will never again let our love be destroyed. My heart is broken, but with you, I can learn to forgive and forget. So please give me another chance, even though I probably don’t deserve it.



  1. I cheated on my husband because I wasn’t done with him. There, I said it! It’s no secret that he is a wonderful man; handsome, smart, funny, and a good leader at work. At home he is kind of a neat freak – he works hard to keep our house clean and comfortable, taking care of every detail. He works long hours to support us, so I often get frustrated because he doesn’t come home until really late! I will probably never find another man like you.


  1. My darling, _____, I know the past few days have been really difficult for you. Your pain and anger run so deep and I feel it tearing my heart apart. You’re upset with me because of my job and being gone all the time. But please know that this job is so important to me. The reason I do it is that I love you and I want us to have the best life possible.


  1. A good apology can also help. A simple and sincere but specific apology can help rebuild trust, especially if you took responsibility for your actions and make it clear that the behavior will never happen again. You might also feel like your apology has been well-received when you see that your partner’s body language has changed. A sincere apology can open the door to forgiveness down the road.


  1. I know that the pain I have caused is truly unforgivable. I am forcing you to stay with a man who has cheated on you more than once. You deserve the world and how I am treating you makes me sick to my stomach. I will make sure to treat you better from now on…


  1. When you think that you’ve messed things up pretty bad, when you feel as if you’re in a pit that you can’t climb out of…Remember I love you. It will help you pull through.


  1. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve ever done wrong. I want nothing more than to make it up to you and be the husband you’ve always deserved. Please, give me another chance. I beg you, don’t leave my side.


  1. My love, how do I get you to forgive me for having an affair? I wish I could take it back, but all I can give you is my heart and a long list of promises to never hurt you again. You are the most wonderful woman in the world and you deserve so much more than what I have given you in recent years. There is no doubt that my love, you are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you for loving me.


  1. I’m truly sorry for hurting you, my love. I can’t even begin to understand what I have done but know that it will never, ever happen again. I do so love you and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.


  1. I am such an idiot (your name here) for screwing up our marriage as I did. I know that I pushed you away and for that, I am truly sorry. I promise to do everything that I can to help make our marriage work. I love you more than you will ever know.


  1. I never meant to hurt you. I love you more than words can say. Since we first met, I felt like we were meant for each other. You are my best friend and my partner in everything. I realize that there is no excuse for what I did, but hope that I can earn your forgiveness. I want to spend the rest of our lives together.


  1. I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I know that I have a lot to make up for and I promise that it will be the rest of my life spent making every day worth living for you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I will spend every day for the rest of my life trying to deserve it. I love you so much!


  1. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t know what came over me, it was a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life. I hope that you can forgive me and we can move on from here in a better place than before.


  1. It breaks my heart to think that you would be so hurt by my actions and go as far as to leave me…I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I am pleading for it with all of my heart. I love you now more than ever, and I promise this will never happen again. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I would do anything to get you back into my arms again. I want us to start over with a fresh new start.


  1. I am so sorry Honey! Please forgive me! I love you and I can’t live without you. I could never replace you in my life – no one would ever be able to take your place. Just know that my heart aches and my soul wants to heal the pain it has caused you. I want to make this right again and bring back the happiness in your life, so please sweetheart, forgive me!



How to Get Away With Cheating on Your Spouse

  1. You have and always will be the love of my life. You are my best friend, lover, and soul mate. I cannot imagine my life without you in it.  You are my rock when all I feel is torn apart by the pressures of life.


  1. I didn’t want to miss my anniversary, but you weren’t here and it was a special occasion. I cheat every day with you. You are in my thoughts every day. You are the air that I breathe sometimes. Can’t wait to see you tonight!



  1. You are my everything. You make me the happiest girl in the world, and I know that will never change! I will forever love you and will never leave your side. Thank you for loving me!


  1. I am going to miss you! And I will always know I have done this for the right reason. Right after we met…


  1. I can’t imagine anyone else being with you. You are everything to me, I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. My love for you grows every day and I can’t wait for us to grow old together, holding hands, spending our days around the fireplace or in the summer months at the beach with our child, making memories that will last a lifetime.


  1. I have so much love for you. I want to give you the world. I want to take care of you, but I can’t do that if you are not with me. We are so good together, and we have nothing if we are apart. We were meant to be together and our love is real and undeniable. You are my best friend, my soul mate, and my lover. I have never been happier, please come back home!


  1. I love you more every day and appreciate you more as time goes on. I am so proud to call you mine. I promise that no matter what I will always be there for you.


  1. No matter how hard I try, I can’t help but feel empty when I’m not around you. I look for ways to be with you, and the thought of losing your love scares me more than losing my life. I want to wake up and spend every day making you happy.


  1. I never thought I would find someone that could capture my heart the way you have. And even more surprising was the fact you were willing to give me a second chance in life when no one else would. I love you more every day!


  1. I love you so much I can’t even explain it! Words fail to describe my happiness. Every day I thank the Lord above that your mine! We are soo perfect for each other, and I know we will always be together!


  1. I wish I could tell the whole world how much I love you. And how every time I look into your eyes I can see our future. How every time we kiss my heart beats a little faster, and with every passing minute, I fall more in love.


  1. I love you and am in love with you more than anything. Thank you for bringing me into a world of happiness and excitement. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and thank you for that. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, and the love of my life. If anyone ever tries to come between us, they better watch out for their back because they will have me to deal with.


  1. I am the luckiest man in the world. I get to love the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world. You have been by my side through thick and thin and you haven’t let me down. Your beauty is unmatched by anyone and every day I fall more in love with you. I love you, my darling wife! Life will never be dull when we are two!


  1. I can’t even put into words how much I miss you, or how defeated I feel. You are my whole world, and the thought of a future without you is too hurtful to even fathom. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, but I know how hard it is to keep up a passionate love affair over long distances. Please just know that I would do ANYTHING for you – even if it means losing you forever.
  2. I think we should have an open marriage. You will still be married to me, but I want to spend time with other people. I know you need your space and fulfillment too. Yet, I still want you to be happy and fulfill all your needs. Let’s just tell our friends and family the truth. We love each other so much that we don’t care about anyone else’s needs or wants.


  1. To my sweetheart, I am so sorry I have been neglecting you these last few months. Please forgive me. Remember when we first met? We fell in love by watching sunsets together. We fell in love by playing on the beach together. When we went shopping, I’d hold your hand and we’d be together. And then once our babies started coming, my wife and I were so busy taking care of them that our marriage suffered. We never had enough time


  1. I love you. I just had to tell you that tonight. ______ is slowly driving me insane, when will it end. I’m sure he’s clearing the way for me to come back to you. Why can’t you just be mine? What fun would it be if ______ was around all of the time…I can’t stand the sight of him.


  1. I have never felt more alive than I do with you. From the first time we met, I knew there was something special about you that could not be put into words. Every time I think of you and how perfect our love is, my heart races like it’s the very first time we became intimate and I feel happy beyond belief. This is a love that will stand the test of all time.


  1. Your smile makes my heart skip a beat and your touch sets my soul on fire. I never knew happiness as I know it now because you came into my life. You took all the broken pieces of my heart and mended them together with your love and devotion. I promise to give you all that you need and forever be by your side. I love you so much!


  1. Life is beautiful. Thank you for being my wife, my lover, and the mother of my children. I love you so much and will never stop cherishing every moment I have with you. You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.



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